when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
