Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
