why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
