I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize