worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
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