somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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