Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
