i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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