There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
