I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
vagina is talking i cant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
