Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
BRING THE BAGELS
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
