You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
