clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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