I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have fence marks all over my body
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
