Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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