Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
