I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
