at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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