At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I could fuck to npr.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
