Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
