I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
