You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
