Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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