Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
