Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
