Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
