I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
