Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
