"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
