My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex on a dog bed..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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