help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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