oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize