drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
