come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my sisters under your porch take her home
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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