From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize