remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
one two three fourrrrnication!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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