i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
