He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
