so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
