Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
