you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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