Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
