I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I want to walk on stilts...naked
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
