im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We need to rekindle our bromance
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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