what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
