Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
