Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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