So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
