i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
