I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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