I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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