I'm really into asian looking animals
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
