I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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