Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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