Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
