I want to walk on stilts...naked
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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