i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
