I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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