butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
