WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My life is pants optional.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
