Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
