I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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