U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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