yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
