I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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