i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
