I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
