afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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