told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize