wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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