there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
